Thursday 23 December 2010

The suicidal attempts of a post drunk bear

Right, where to begin?

College is out now and everyone seems to be in high spirit, except one...me...why you might ask? because I must work all over the holidays until Christmas morning 07.00!! still though, I've managed to sneak in a couple cheeky St.Heliers before last nights shift.

When myself and my COSS (i'm only an unworthy assistant) got to the work-site sometime around 23.10, we attempted to find an access point to go onto track (By the way, I work on a Railway firm just in case you lot are like what's this guy smoking), which we did, but to our surprise, it had been virally taken over by Japanese Knotweed and it was practically impossible to get through unless i wanted to be shredded like that fat naked dude from SAW. So anyway, clever me spotted another access point on the bridge, but it was on the other side of the tracks (4 tracks in total, 2 were open) so my COSS being the lad that he is was like "FUCK IT, I AIN'T WALKING MILE AN 1/4...LET'S JUST CROSS THE LINES". So I was like meh cool...anyway we got down on to the track and what seemed fine, wasn't?! it was mad, he crossed first an i waited for him to shout back, so I crossed...everything was good and I felt like a dick surrounded by satisfied women. Now this is where it gets pretty interesting, since half these tracks were live and that, I had to be extra cautious and plus where it snowed it made the walk a whole lot more challenging, and then BAM snow was all over the place and the sleepers was covered in ice, and I was crossing rails, and I SLIPPED!!! Fuck my heart was pounding like so hard it was like I was being tenderised from the inside out, I actually imagined I was going to look like a piece of 8oz Sirlion


So as I slipped, my foot smacked right on to the juice rail (the 750v DC rail that supplies the train and signals electricity), and well, luckily enough nothing happened (:

As we left site, we had to cross the open lines again with trains running at 90-125mph, so yea again he crossed and I did so myself....literally about 5seconds later a train came bulleting past me!...I was at the time thinking WHAT THE FUCK

After all this million dollar blockbuster stunt-capade, my workmate met up with some friends from anthoer firm that was working nearby, met up with them...and guess where they decided to go...go on...pleeeease guess...no...you won't? well fine, I won't say it then...haah...bitches!!!!! 

Alright fine I'll say it...we went to a brothel up in Soho, man they were so hyped up!!! it was the most funniest scariest thing to come across...By the way I didn't go in, I was broke haha so yea as I was chilling in the car, pimps came upto mee asking if I wanted to go inside, people kicking backlights of cars and starting fights, some teleporting crackhead guy that was eyeing me up! An old man with actual Dobby ears, lots of middle eastern men, ghetto kids and even Japanese graffiti....all in all it was a fun shift 



and check the temperature back on the early hours Monday morning





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