Virtual Reality sucks

Attempting to recollect 2 weeks worth of memory that is detailed enough for your shady eyes to read is nigh-on impossible, not due to my lack of capacity to hold such information in my peanut-sized brain, but the fact that alcohol helps wash away most of it (well, the boring bits anyway).

The day of my house party started off somewhat normal, me being lazy, waiting until last minute to clean up the mess I helped produce. Well anyway, people started arriving and I started drinking, it seemed all good until that beautifully crafted fusion of tobacco and herbs lied gently on my lips and inhaled that seductive smoke that released wings into my bear-like skull. Thinking it was a good idea, I had a shower straight after and fixed myself right up to look like part of the party instead of the greasy Joe costume I had on. A champagne bottle, 4 shots of whiskey, and some cider later, this is where my memory becomes blotchy, like a jigsaw puzzle with only a quarter of the pieces since your nephew decided that either chewing or hiding would be morally fun (makes no sense but "bear" with me...hahaaah...yea ¬_¬ ).

The last thing I remember of the night was letting Zoe and Shelley in and well....the rest looks a little like this.

This is where now everything I say will be memory gathered from the fellow party people

• The number of times I fell down the stairs was approximately 10 times, and every time I had a smile on my face
• The number of times I fell unconscious was up to 4 times with a drink ready by my side to be drunk when I awoke
• I made milkshakes(?!) concocted up of Kahula, Vanilla Ice cream, Various other alcohol and Kinder Bueno...was buff apparently
• Was dragged up a flight of stairs by the feet then let go of because Scott thought "Fuck this". Thanks to him I have a third butt cheek on the side of my right thigh
• Kissed a guy to make sure some fit girls got off. Now this really blows because they make out regardless anyway
• Said some shit like "Finish me off" to this dutty girl as if she was jacking me off. There was no evidence of semen so that was a lie (thank god)
• Gatecrashers attended and tried to wake my soul-less body up by slapping and tickling me.

Following morning was your average "where the fuck am I?"/"Where's my jeans?"/"Holy shit?!" scenario, so I waddled my beaten up body down to ground zero and someone's voice popped into my head. A dear friend who I must get back into contact with. She said "Morning shots are good for hangovers", so using my noggin I found the nearest shot glass, poured a lovely single and topped it with some sweet sweet OJ. The rest is just boring...I mean what can I say, I spent the rest of the day chilling with two pokemons that were as hungover as me in my bed watching Catface. I think not (oh wait, did I just say it...ah fuck)

Let's fast forward to New Years Eve

Got Drunk. Danced away. Got slapped 3 times consecutively in the face on the same cheek. Missed the midnight kiss. Told people drunkenly that I love them. Left. Got Drunk some more.

THE END